Scientists say that up to 95% of our minds, function from the subconscious. We operate from a mere 5% conscious awareness. Further research shows that our basic beliefs and attitudes are formed already by age 7. It is noted that through the ages 3-7, children have and increased interested in understanding where babies come from, and they may start to explore the bodies of other children and adults around them, or openly display interest in their own genitals by touching and other body movements such as rocking and riding.
Between the ages of 5-7 innocent self-touch as form of bodily exploration is quite common, albeit not exactly encouraged. As these are the ages we also venture out into the classroom of the world, meeting new friends and playmates,
Unfortunately, this is also the time where innocent curiosity, often gets turned into shame by a teacher, mother or father, who are trying to hide their own humiliation, when a toddler’s investigative hand reaches their crotch.
It is indeed a caring parent who mentors his/her young ones in the appropriate behavior for social acceptance. Yet, the means of shame, humiliation and guilt have lasting effects, potentially causing anxiety in healthy adults, when approaching their partners in an intimate setting. Many first time couples, for example, rush to get the deed done, only to set a stage they find themselves difficult to get out later, when one or both crave more connection and intimacy.
Now, we can’t change our pasts, but there is something we can do start healing our own sensual responses and generate more connection in our own lives.
Once you’ve read this passage, close your eyes for a moment and imagine yourself as a toddler playing in the sand. Notice your little toes curl as they try to pick up the tiny grains, while your fingers runs through the rough textures. When you pour a bucket of water in the sandpit, notice yourself delighting in the mud and its cool smoothness. Observe just that toddler secretly playing in bliss, with careful, deliberate, slow, investigative movements.
Now imagine how it would be to bring that very same blissful exploration to your adult life right now. Wouldn’t THAT be nice?
The more you use slow and deliberate as an approach to intimacy, communication and life in general, the less you will deal with shame, shyness, anxiety or inhibition.
Best of bliss with your exploration.